Can I fix it with a cake pop?

When we go to Target (not a sponsor), sometimes I drag my sweetturds with me. And sometimes they ask for a cake pop. I mean, it's only fair if I have to shop and they behave right? I know... judge me all you want but I am a pushover for a good brib- I mean cake pop!

In all seriousness though.

I am tired.

This isn’t the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep fixes.

This is the kind of exhaustion that sinks into your soul and seems like it will never really leave.

It’s the tired of carrying fear kinda tired.

It's the fear that maybe you're not a strong enough person or parent, and that the world you’re raising your children in is too broken to even protect them from.

Where do we even start? Is there a right answer amidst all the guilt and impossible moral scenarios?

I lie awake sometimes, heart pounding, mind racing through every nightmare.

What if the world keeps getting darker?

What if the things I say, the things I do, aren’t enough to keep them safe and to teach them to be kind and good people?

Will I have I done enough to help them survive when the inevitable time comes when I am not here?

There’s a cold, hollow place inside this tiredness. Have you ever felt it?

It’s lonely and raw. It’s the weight of knowing you can’t control the world, and feeling wholly responsible for the people you love most. You’re exhausted, not just in your body but in your spirit.

If you’re here, feeling like this too, I want you to know: you’re not alone. We don’t have to pretend to be okay or have it all together. Some days, surviving feels like the bravest thing we can do!

Because here’s the truth, I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to quiet the noise or make the fears stop. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe we just hold the space for each other’s brokenness and exhaustion and keep getting up and going anyway.

So in the meantime, I'll keep buying cake pops.

I'll keep complimenting random strangers. I will keep hyping up your romper at Target. I'll keep taking my kids to fun events. I'll keep watching your back when you load your kids into the car alone. I'll keep my head on a swivel for mine and yours.

I see you. I’m carrying this tiredness with you. And maybe together, we can find some small piece of peace in the chaos. Maybe we can fix it with cake pops.

xoxo

Madi