Either way, we are all still crying

Let’s talk about this fun little fantasy society keeps selling us: the idea that as a caregiver you have this empowering Pinterest-worthy “choice”: go to work or stay home. Like one of these is a magical path paved in glitter and well-behaved children, and all you have to do is pick the "right one". Spoiler: there is no right one. There is no glitter. Just crumbs. And judgement.

If you work, you’re told you’re missing everything. Those precious “firsts,” the emotional milestones, the stuff Instagram moms insist you're ruining your child by not being there for. Meanwhile, you’re working or attending school, paying for childcare that costs more than your mortgage, still being a present parent but with an impressively low amount of sleep, and still expected to show up at the bake sale with hand-decorated allergen free cupcakes that look like woodland creatures.

But hey, at least you have your "own money", right?? And by “your own money,” I mean the $1.70 left after groceries, bills, childcare, and you know those optional things like electricity and hot water.

On the flip side — maybe you stay home. Whether it’s by choice, financial necessity, or because childcare in this country costs approximately three human souls per month. Suddenly, your “job” isn’t seen as a job at all. You’re “just” a caregiver. “Just” at home. “Just” trying to raise emotionally stable people with a steady stream of nursery rhyme-induced headaches and no adult conversation. Or some even say its the GOLD STANDARD and there is no better way to parent... But sure, let's pretend you're relaxing all day while your toddler wipes peanut butter on the dog and your baby cries every time you blink.

Also Newsflash - Everyone still judges you no matter what you do. Society says you’re either not contributing financially and you have no purpose or drive, OR you’re being too fulfilled and selfish and you clearly don’t love your kids enough to stay home for them.

Guess what? You can’t win. You’re either "neglecting your kids for a paycheck" or smothering them with too much quality time and homemade fruit snacks. Somewhere in the middle? Doesn’t exist. Just a myth from the land of Pinterest where all the families have matching outfits and emotional bandwidth.

Here’s the raw, unfiltered truth: there is no perfect choice. Just an impossible one.

Most of us are making daily trade-offs between our bank account and our sanity. Between being present and being able to afford diapers. We are all still crying - either in the car before work, or in the laundry room during nap time. And society? It's just sitting there eating popcorn and judging your form.

No one is out here killing it in every category. And we're definitely not thriving - we're all multitasking trauma responses with cold coffee and a smile that says “I'm fine” but really means “send help or dessert."

So maybe instead of pretending there's a gold medal at the end of this, we can stop judging each other for how we survive it. Whether you're working 40 hours, staying home full-time, freelancing during naps, or some chaotic mix of all three — you are enough.

Not Pinterest perfect. Not influencer-level curated. Just real, exhausted, doing-your-damn-best enough.

xoxo

Madi